Leaves of Julia

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My feelings

f 
  or
you 

are
     
  as

g
  o
     n
e  

as
     a
s
  w
i
 r
l  
    i
      n
g

lea
f                                                      In the Wind

Tobias read the note and stared blankly into the blur of crowd beyond him. 
He had been sitting on the patio at the cafe for over an hour waiting for Julia to show and the server that brought him his first attempt at a Latte mocha swirl was now leaning against the cafe building with her arms folded, glaring. He was semi-conscious of her "I hate you_ why won't you leave or just die" look as his attention drifted back towards his cup of fluff and crumpled napkin.
The heap that he was looking at had found his shoe with a slight gust of early October afternoon and brought with it a sweep of aromatic debris consisting of freshly cut grass, coffee, and orange speckled leaves. 
The shadows were long and the delightful late lunch he had planned with his new crush was now a 4 o-clock memo from the universe reminding him of how short, stupid and unattractive he actually was.

He shot a glance at both the server and the fifty-something frump girl that was sitting at the patio table diagonally across from him_ the one responsible for the napkin karma.  Tobias decided to put it in his pocket for self-punishment, then slid his credit card into the black check presenter as he tossed a  look over at the attitude in an apron with folded arms, already running towards his table.

"I'll be righ__"  she never even finished the sentence. The server just swiped the presenter and barely tossed him a glance. Tobias thought to himself, Wow I'm not even worth a full sentence. It was as if she knew that his date wouldn't show. Not that she could possibly have known the details as to why he had been there, sipping a cup of something that was his Fantasy girlfriend's taste and decidedly not what he normally would have ordered for himself. There was no way she could've speculated at everything he had been through so far in his life leading up until this moment. The countless rejections, his struggle with addiction, his constant battle with never feeling like he was "enough"__ anything, or that he fit in____anywhere.

His career had finally started to come together, He had a new apartment, a new motorcycle, and he met Julia... the brass ring...
And now he had a crumpled up piece of napkin art in his pocket to remind him that once again, he wasn't worth her time, and when he went over it in his head he remembered she had half said "sure" out of the side of her face to his offer of "I know this little Cafe over by the park that serves your Mocha~ something or other...with sprinkles".
Julia had been in the middle of a conversation while texting and reaching and motioning to another person and in short, probably had no real idea what was being said to her and how much it had meant to Tobias.
"Great, I have to be in at work for 7, but I'll be out by 2 in the afternoon, maybe a late lunch and Latte's if you find yourself near the park, I'll be there".  Tobias recalled his words and how much he had sounded like an over-eager guy with a crush, trying not to sound like an over-eager guy with a crush.

_"Sure" He mouthed the word as he recalled in his mind Julia saying it.

Tobias pulled the napkin out of his pocket as he walked by the lump of frump still sitting poised and oblivious over her notebook and herbal tea and deposited the crumpled napkin off with her.
"You dropped this" was all he said as he could feel the lump in his throat growing.
The girl uncrossed her leg from under her crape skirt and re-affixed her hoodie as the wind took it mumbling an "oh thank you" in the wrong direction and at nothing. She turned her head towards the park and watched as Tobias crossed the street and got on his motorcycle. She immediately tucked her leg back under her skirt, resuming the emo creative sulk that used to be so intriguing at bus stations and mall food courts back in the nineties and didn't look up again until she heard the crash..



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